His Favorite Star
by Jaymic
Summary: Realizing she is the 'scandal', Olivia has taken up her fathers offer to disappear. Now she must pick up the pieces and rebuild. Was bringing Jake along on this journey a mistake or just what she needed?
1. Chapter 1

I watch as the ground moves further away from us and a slight sense of panic sets in. I look over at Jake, the man who asked me to save him. He sits there, reading a magazine he found lying in the compartment in front of us. He looks calm, serene even, but I know there's more to him. He's done things to people I love, he's done things to me. He's like Jekyll and Hyde. The man I watch sitting here, calmly reading like he doesn't have a care in the world doesn't seem to be the same man who has the blood of many on his hands, but he is.

He wants me to take him away from all that though, to change his life. He doesn't want to be Hyde anymore, but how can one Hyde save another Hyde? After all, I have a body count as well. Well not body count, soul count is more like it. He's ended lives, I've destroyed them. That knowledge hurts me so I sit here trying to convince myself it's simply a part of my job, it's the sick and twisted reality of being a fixer. You can't do your job without going into the dark every now and then. The falling sun shines into the cabin of the plane and blinds me momentarily, Jake notices and he reaches into his carry on and pulls out a pair of sunglasses, I decline. The golden light bathes over us and the warmth of it is strangely comforting. He bends towards me to get a better look out the cabin window. He stares dreamily out into the evening sky and the familiar, serene Mr. Jekyll makes another welcome appearance. I join him watching the beautiful sky as the day slowly fades away.

"You know it's always been my favorite star," Jake said interrupting my thoughts.

"What is?" I asked.

"The sun," he says looking into my eyes. He goes back to reading his magazine.

I can do this, I can save him. I can push him into the light. My gut tells me I can, my gut tells me he is worth saving, but I cant go with him. I'm broken.

What do I do now?

What AM I doing now?

I can't do this.

I want to turn around.

I start breathing heavy and realize I am panicking. I exhale slowly and try to calm down, try to focus on the tasks at hand.

'You ok?' He asks squeezing my hand. I face him and he raises his eyebrows, pleading for a response. He looks genuinely concerned, like he knows I have a million thoughts zooming through my mind. I squeeze back, smile at him and nod, but I say nothing. I'm tired. I can't tell him that though. I can't tell him what's in my head.

'Come here," I watch him as he moves the arm rest that separates us. He holds his arms out welcoming me. After a moment of hesitation l scoot over to him, lay my head on his chest and allow him to embrace me

'It's gonna be ok,' he said kissing my forehead. I'm so tired. Hearing those words from someone else's mouth besides my own, his familiar smell, the sound of the engine reminding me of the miles separating me from so many problems, it works and I'm able to focus. I am removing myself from the White House and I'm fixing Jake. He was put into the hole because of me. Him waking up panicked and in a cold sweat at night is because of me, so I will fix him. I will fix all of this. Compartmentalizing everything calms me and once again I am able to breath and push away the knowledge that I am not whole. The thoughts finally stop and I'm able to finally relax enough to drift off.

I wake up and see the night sky out my window. I'm still lying in his arms. The steady rise and fall of his chest lets me know he's asleep. I sneak a look at my phone. Seven missed calls. Four from the White House and three from Abby.

I consider calling one of them back. I run my finger across the screen contemplating which number to dial, although in my head I know which one I want to call.

"Don't", I hear Jake whisper. His eyes are still closed and I wonder how he knows what I'm doing.

I lift myself off his chest and face him.

He peeks at me with one eye them slowly opens the other, "don't call them", he states calmly.

"They may need me."

Jake adjusts himself, shaking off sleep. He places his hand on my knee, "Liv, you just left. They're panicked right now. You ripped the Band-Aid off and it hurts, but if you call them you'll change your mind and I don't think that's what you want to do", he gazes in my direction waiting for me to correct him. I don't.

"Can you to do something for me?" He asks.

"What?"

He leans forward and holds out his hand, "give me your phone."

"I am not giving you my phone," I laugh, the unease was evident in my voice.

Jake lets out an audible sigh and sits back in his seat, "fine...in fact call Fitz back. He will ask where you are and beg you to come back and you'll listen because you love him and you'll be right back where you started, right back in the dark."

"Loving him is not..."

"No it's not," he interrupts, "but I know the things you've done were done out of love for him. I'm not saying…" he hesitates, "the fact that you risked your life and freedom for love…it's admirable, it is, but look where it's brought you. Liv…give me your phone."

"I thought I was supposed to be saving you."

He smirks at me, "were standing in the sun together, remember? Even if one of us goes kicking and screaming."

We both laugh and I hand him my phone. Jake was right, I would have gone right back had he asked. I love Fitz. He's the only man I've ever loved. What makes me think I can just turn that off? Do I even want to? I watch Jake take the battery out of my phone. He hands the useless electronic device back to me.

"When do I get my battery back?" I ask.

"Whenever you want," he says with a shrug.

I know its not the best idea to find comfort in him right now, but in my current mental state I need it. I lay back onto his chest. His t-shirt allows me to feel the warmth of his body and the soothing beat of his heart, "how do I know you aren't keeping me away from everyone so you can keep me to yourself?"

"Would you blame me?"

I look up at him and giggle, "you wouldn't."

"No, I wouldn't," he hugs me tighter, "you're saving me. I'm just...returning the favor. Like I said you ripped the Band-Aid off. It's going to be hard for all involved, but I'm going to help you through. At any time you tell me you want to go back, I won't stand in the way," he pauses and brushes away the hair thats fallen over my face, "do you want to go back?"

I think about his question and I know deep down the answer is, 'I'm not sure', but I don't say that.

"No," I whisper.

He breathes out and I can feel his body loosen, like my answer lifted a heavy weight off of him, "so... where are we going?" He asks.

I rise from his chest and rustle through my carry on. I pull out the Manila folder my father gave me with all of our travel information, I open it and search for an answer to his question, "Bermuda," I say reading the itinerary, "a place called Warwick Long Bay."

He nods, "how long?"

"Eight months, after that we can head back to DC or..." I trailed off, not really sure what our other options are at this point. I was in such a rush to get out that I didn't think through everything. Something that is not like me. I don't know why that surprises me, I haven't been myself for a while now.

"I find it interesting that you're just now asking for details," I say, changing the subject in my mind.

"It didn't matter where we were going, it's who I'm with."

We catch each others gaze for a moment. I pull his arm over me, rest my head on his chest and try to fall back asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The taxi pulls up to the address in the manila envelope my father prepared for me.

"Here we are," the cab driver says with a gentle smile.

I nervously exit the car and stand, I'm a bit frozen. I watch as Jake pays the man for the ride and grabs our bags from the trunk. It's all happening in slow motion and my stomach drops as I watch the cab drive away. He was my last chance to turn back.

"Well, here we are. Want to take a look around?" Jake asks, once again stirring me from my thoughts.

"I think we can see everything from here," I joke. He laughs but it's not entirely untrue. The place is small, but quaint. It was one of many cookie cutter basic homes in a row. It must be a residential area. Besides unique lawn decor, all the homes blend together. A very inconspicuous area indeed, good job dad. I grab the single front door key out of the envelope, breathe out and open the door. Jake turns the lights on as I begin to explore. First thing I see is the kitchen, it's decorated in soft blues. Next is the living room, its beach themed and reminds me of a resort, there's a couch, an armchair, a small TV and a house phone. I see Jake walk with our bags toward the hall and I follow. I see three doors. Jake opens one and reveals a bedroom.

"Twin bed," he says with a chuckle, "daddy always gets the last laugh"

"I'll take this room" I say, I'm slightly relieved at my father's choice. Jake nods, handing me my suitcase. He digs into his pocket and retrieves my phone battery, handing it to me. I watch him exit my room before I fall onto my bed. I stare at the battery for a few moments. Why did he give it back to me? I sigh and place the battery on my night stand. I did it, I'm here. Stay strong.

"Hey!" He calls out, "I found the bathroom and a shower is calling my name, do you mind if I go first?"

"No, not at all," I yell back.

The room is simple, like the rest of the house. A twin bed, a small closet, a dresser and a chaise lounge chair, the walls are blank and the single window is covered by noting but cheap plastic blinds. Decorating this place could be fun. I close my eyes but quickly open them because, like always, it causes my mind to think of him. I decide to get up and unpack my bags, hoping the distraction works. I neatly lay each outfit I brought onto my bed. White…grey…black…and it's all business attire. What the hell was I thinking? I haphazardly grab all the clothes and throw them back into my suitcase. Shopping is definitely going to be one of the first things I do while here. I wonder if Jake will want to go. I'd be lying to myself if I didn't admit part of me kind of hopes he does. I want the company, I want a friend. I haven't had someone like that in my life since Stephen left, someone I could really talk to, someone who wasn't afraid to tell me what they really thought. I'll never forget the day he left, our last conversation begins to play in my mind...

_You can't do this, you can't go._

_Liv, you're the one who pushed me to propose in the first place._

_I never thought it meant you'd leave us, you can't leave us, you can't leave me…_

_This world that were in, it's not conducive with having a family._

_That's ridiculous, Steven._

_Is it? Has it ever occurred to you that none of us have an actual life outside of OPA? We live, breathe and eat OPA, it is our lives, that's the way it is, that's the way it has to be for us to be the best, for us to be gladiators and we are the best, but it's a choice, you can't have both. Gladiator or having a normal life, its one or the other Liv, one or the other and at this point I made my choice, I'm sorry._

If only I knew then what I know now…

There's a knock at the door, "come in"

I watch Jake open the door slightly, I can see he's only wearing a towel over his waist.

"Hey, I just wanted you to know the showers clear. I'm pretty sure there's hot water left but don't quote me on it.

"Thanks," I say pretending to be busy with the clothes in my suitcase in an attempt to avoid eye contact.

"I uh…I guess I'll go to bed now…see you in the morning…"

"Ok"

He closes my door and my breathing returns to normal. I didn't notice it changed. I wish I had a better understanding of our 'arrangement'. I have way too many other things to figure out to concern myself with at this point though. One step at a time, Liv, one step at a time. I grab my towel and head for the shower.

* * *

Its 3:00 am and I can't sleep. All I've done since laying down is toss and turn. It's dark and quiet and the air is still. I'm standing outside his door. It's cracked slightly and I can hear him tossing and turning. I wonder if he's awake like I am. This is silly. I turn to leave when I hear him whisper my name. I'm paralyzed.

"Yeah?" I finally respond

"What are you doing?" I hear him ask.

I'm not sure how to respond, the words are stuck in my throat. The door opens and he's on the other side. In my panic I didn't hear him getting out of bed.

"You ok?" He asks.

"Yeah, I just…I couldn't sleep" I finally manage to say.

"Neither can I."

We stand in silence at his door for at least a minute before he reaches for my hand. He begins to lead me into his room and I'm not sure what to do. I don't know what he's doing and I'm not sure I want to stop him.

"Lay down" he says.

"Jake I…"

"Liv, lay down" he interrupts, gently.

I lay down and watch him leave.

_Come back._

The only light in his room is from the moon shining through the blinds, but I can see his room is just like mine, bed, dresser, and lounge chair. After a few seconds he comes in with my pillow and blanket, handing them to me. I watch as he pulls the chair towards the bed I am currently occupying. He grabs his pillow and blanket and settles in on the chair.

"There, I have a strong feeling we will both have an easier time falling asleep now."

"Jake, that can't be comfortable"

"Liv, I'm a navy man. I've had some of my best night's sleep on a lot worse.

"Ok," I say snuggling into my blanket. I can feel the warmth from where he was laying. I think he's closed his eyes so I decide to do the same, but it does no good, I still can't sleep.

"The thought of the unknown isn't exciting me, in fact it's terrifying me," I whisper into the dark.

"It's scaring me too," he responds.

"What's wrong with us?"

I hear him adjusting himself, moving closer to me.

"Let's make a pact," he says

"A pact?"

"Yeah, starting tomorrow we push our limits, try new things, you know step outside our comfort zones."

"Jake, you were part of a super-secret spy organization and I fixed a national election. I'm not interested in pushing our limits."

"Ah, but you are mistaken.I am Jake Ballard, paper salesman," he replies, holding out his hand to be shook.

I giggle, "nice to meet you Jake Ballard. I'm Olivia Pope."

"Olivia Pope, what?"

"Just...Olivia Pope..."

"I like it."

I can't stop smiling and even though I can only make out his shadow in the darkness, I know he's smiling too, "ok, let's do it, starting tomorrow we step outside our comfort zones, we become…normal people..."

"Normal people."

I can feel my eyelids getting heavy and I know it's because we talked, I don't just want a friend to help me through this, I_ need_ one. Normal. Maybe Steven was onto something.


End file.
